There’s absolutely no way to NOT look like an asshole while playing a keytar. What the fuck is a keytar you ask? Well we’ll tell ya…it’s an instrument that’ll make you look like an asshole just by looking at it. It’s the lamest instrument of all time. It’s more lame than the oboe, [...]
Archive for the ‘Stuff Stoners DON'T Like’ Category
October 15th, 2009 - 1:28 pm § in Stuff Stoners DON'T Like
#6 Mayonnaise
Seriously, do we even have to fucking explain? [...]
September 15th, 2009 - 3:03 pm § in Stuff Stoners DON'T Like
-5 Showtime’s Weeds
Showtime’s Weeds totally sucks, man. It’s so boring it’ll kill at least 7-billion brain cells by watching just one episode, man. Don’t do it! You know how many brain cells you’d kill if you smoked just one joint? Who fucking cares, right? Anyhow this, Weeds, show ain[...]
August 6th, 2009 - 4:00 pm § in Stuff Stoners DON'T Like
# -4 Matches
Matches are for suckers or for people who don’t have lighters. Why? Because they suck..that’s why. Have you ever tried to spark up a fat bowl with a match? Oh you did…did you? Well, how many times did those matches break before you got in the car and drove to 7-11 to buy a fucking [...]
August 5th, 2009 - 3:15 pm § in Stuff Stoners DON'T Like
# -3 Senseless Violence
You know when Pete Townshend would get all mad at his Rickenbacker and smash it into a million little pieces all over the stage and you’d say to yourself, “Shit, Pete, man…why don’t you just give that fucking beautiful geetar to me?” Well, that’s how stoners feel every time [...]
August 5th, 2009 - 11:04 am § in Stuff Stoners DON'T Like
# -2 Aerosmith
Imagine a bar band dressed in whatever they could find on the dirty floor of a thrift store or stowed away in Davey Jones Locker, with a singer that sorta looks and moves like Mick Jagger in the dark, and you have Aerosmith. Yeah, we agree that for a second things looked promising when Aerosmith [.[...]
August 5th, 2009 - 10:52 am § in Stuff Stoners DON'T Like
# -1 Kids
Sure, they’re cuddly and cute when they aren’t all covered in grape jelly, or snot, or afterbirth. It’s not that stoners don’t dig kids, they think kids are cool, man… it’s just that kids ruin everything and they’re such buzzkills. Just imagine how fucking a[...]
