Stuff Stoners Like

Imagine a bar band dressed in whatever they could find on the dirty floor of a thrift store or stowed away in Davey Jones Locker, with a singer that sorta looks and moves like Mick Jagger in the dark, and you have Aerosmith.

Yeah, we agree that for a second things looked promising when Aerosmith took a look at themselves and realized they were nothing but a Rolling Stone cover band/magpie act. So they ventured out of their comfy zone of classic rock plagiarism and collabed with Run DMC. Remember that shit? All of a sudden Aerosmith were turning fresh from hesh. Well, that freshness lasted as long as a bong hit. And, that collaboration did for Run DMC what Aerosmith thought it would do for them…give ‘em some credibility. But just how much credibility can you have when you share the Super Bowl stage with Mary J. Blige, Nelly, ‘N Stync, and Britney Spears?

It’s not like stoners don’t dig bar bands, or rock and roll, or singers that hang a bunch of fucking bandannas off their microphone stand. Okay that’s not entirely true, we’re not sure if stoners dig that bandanna shit or not. Bandanna danglin’ seems sorta lame and passe. But, who are we to judge? Maybe they’re all vintage and cool. Either way they’re great for singers who can’t actually sing because they’re an awesome way to hide cords going from a microphone to a voice synthesizer. Oh, and speaking of vintage…so what if Aerosmith has been around for a while…are they as vintage as the Rolling Stones? No…they just look that way because they aren’t aging as well and they’re trying to copy everything about ‘em.

Instead of adding the lame tune “Dude Looks Like a Lady” to accompany the film Mrs. Doubtfire, which sorta makes sense, they cram pussy-ass power-ballads that even Tom Jones would be a li’l embarrassed to sing, like “Crying” and  “Amazing”, into lousy chick flicks. “Eat the Rich”, how ironic, right? What, is that some song about ‘em blowin’ themselves or something?

Anyhow, here’s the point…why smoke bammer when you can listen to the Rolling Stones? Did you catch how we just compared Aerosmith to bammer weed right there? Because Aerosmith is the schwagg of Rock ‘n’ Roll! Schwagg is still weed and all, but it’s not all super killer and shit like OG Kush or anything. And, if you were going to pirate some marijuana…like if there was some sort of online marijuana Napster…would you download some Aerosmith weed or are you going to go for some nice Sour Diesel?

That’s all we’re saying, man. Sure, smoke…er, uhm…listen to Aerosmith if that’s all you got, man. But, if that’s all ya got we’ll loan you a fucking buck so you can go download something authentic to listen to while you get stoned.