Sometimes you’ll see a stoner reach for a cup of coffee in the morning before they actually reach for a bong. True, it’s rare…and we’ve never actually witnessed it or nothing, but it’s said to have to happened. Yep, it’s no surprise… stoners like to wake and bake! And, like syrup on waffles, nothing goes better with that morning bong rip like a cup of coffee.
Coffee fools those who regularly rise with red eyes into thinking that the caffeine counters that lazying affect of weed. It’s known world-wide in stoner circles from here to Africa as the Hippie Speedball. Now, we’ve never actually witnessed a stoner take a bong rip, sip some coffee, and then run a fucking marathon or anything, but it could happen and shit. Something about that kick of caffeine makes a true stoner feel more motivated. Feel is the key word here. You know that jittery feeling ya get after about 16 gallons of Java? Yeah, well, that’s motivation.
More often than not a stoner will drink their coffee jet black. Not because they like it that way, dude, it’s just that adding milk, or cream, or sugar, or bongwater or whatever…takes motivation…not to mention time, man. You don’t see stoners fussing over all those li’l additions, ya know. You’ll never catch stoners fucking with cinnamon shakers or li’l packets of hazelnut Coffee-Mate bullshit. They get used to that plain ol’ stock flavor of coffee just for the sake of laziness, man. And, well because stoners are really into instant gratification; grab cup, pour, sip…instant gratification.
Stoners like to participate in rituals and preparing coffee is a ritual akin to packing a good bowl. To stoners, it’s the daily grind (pun intended) that’s as attractive as the caffeine surge, really. Stoners are really way into the little methodical routines of their habit and coffee provides a legal way to indulge in such ceremonial practices. Ever watch a stoner roll a joint (How ’bout Pamela Anderson roll a J topless on a boat in front of Tommy Lee)? Well, Stuff Stoners Like have…and they’re super into that shit, man. They take that shit seriously. It’s a form of pride. So why would it be any different when it comes to brewing coffee with all the roasting and grinding of beans, filling up li’l paper cones, etc…
Most stoners brew their stimulant at home. Why? Well, stoners aren’t paying $5 for a fucking cup of Starbucks coffee, you see, when they can just make it at home. Same theory applies for growing your own weed. Why buy when you can multiply? So paying exorbitant amounts of cashola for something you can make yourself is just not the stoner way. Who needs a gourmet caramel-half-caf-double-skinny, latte when you’re in the mood for a caffeine jolt, a bong hit, and some Cheez-Its, anyhow?
not true
I couldn’t agree more. On the days I wake and bake there is nothing I love more than to make myself a cup of coffee. It just makes me feel more active, ready to take on the day full steam.
Exactly! Except I mess with the creamer. I just get the flavored kind… Makes me wanna!
im jus sayin not all stoners like coffee i think its ok myself but seldom drink it
haha idk about ya’ll but if i made some coffee when i’m stoned it would be the best coffee you’ve ever tasted hahah
Love the article. I relate big time. But I have to disagree with some of it. Let me explain. I am a Cannabis patient and I smoke all day everyday of the finest. As well as the finest coffee every morning. I am very picky, ask my wife. I am very particular about the kind of cream and sweetener I use also. Java brand coffee, very strong. Seattle Blend or French Roast mainly with Coffee Mate French Vanilla creamer. 3 cups a day and bong load or a bowl usually with 2nd cup. I also have an 8 month old I get up with every morning so his needs come before any of this. The coffee, I have learned, is working for circulation in my hips which is were most of my issues are, so both Cannabis and Java Coffee are a must daily. Last but not least Sativas are best for this since Indica’s are so sedating, its almost pointless.
nah, pot and tea are the way to go IMO
i use crystal meth as my creamer
This one and the one about blowing the rings are probably the most true. My rings are perfect!
I don’t think it’s safe to say the #1 thing that ALL stoners like is coffee. I’d say it’s MARIJUANA or the idea of legalizing MARIJUANA. Be realistic “DUDE”!
i want a cup of coffee
coffees goooood
That is so true. I have such a ritual of doing that. Every morning is the best part of the day. Yes, the coffee b;ack is the way to roll!
I’ll take a strong cup of coffee in the mornin, but the weed will just burn me out. I’d rather eat weed at night when all is right.
Hey Justin, I think that weed is implied and or understood to be #1 here. Coffee would be #1 other than weed. Without weed there IS no stoner.
sounds like some steriotypical bull shit to me
well, not all stoners like coffee. but i personally enjoy a nice irish blend monster java. its pretty dank. but dont stereo-type us, we’re people like everyone else. we enjoy our weed like adam sandler enjoys comedy, its a way of life, and everyone’s different. dont judge.
I was in SF last week and found a starbucks … OK, it was in Mill Valley. It advertised as a ATT wifi hotspot and I was Jonsein’ for some time online, so I stopped.
As I have ATT at home, hooking up there is free, so I went in for my very first visit. You can get a cup of coffee in a Starbucks for 2 dollars, and this is true for most of the coffeeshops. I just ask for the brew of the day. so, don’t be wary of Starbucks, just order from the top of the menu.
so not true! i smoke a few bowls every day on my way to school and stop and get starbucks..talk about a jolt? a 6-shot espresso drink will get you up in the AM
im jus sayin that not all stoners drink coffee, i think its ok, but i don’t really drink it.
hey get used to that plain ol’ stock flavor of coffee just for the sake of laziness, man
So true screw all that stuff